This Side of the Creek

Saying “I’m sorry” is something that comes more easily to some than to others. If you’re at all like me, you tend to apologize for nearly everything regardless of whether there is a legitimate reason to do so. In recovery from eating disorders, drug/alcohol abuse and other disorders, part of the process is making amends with others. Such amends may be made for smaller things such as not listening to the other person or for bigger things like harming the other person emotionally. This amends stage is often not one entered into right away, but when ready, individuals are encouraged to “clear the air.”

Making amends can breathe new life into relationships and can help us feel better about ourselves and our lives. When we’re able to recognize that we’ve made a mistake or fallen short in our various roles, we’re empowering ourselves and moving toward lasting change. It helps us break out of denial.

What making amends doesn’t do, however, is guarantee that those to whom we are apologizing will be receptive to our words or will want to “start over” with us. Why? Because we can’t control the reaction of others and everyone has a right to process through their concerns/issues and emotions at a rate that works best for them. For some it takes years and for others it only takes a few weeks.

As I stated, I’m an overly-apologetic person who thought she had little amends to make. But what I found through my own journey was that I was constantly choosing unhealthy patterns of thinking that kept me acting out on emotions. This led to every day situations where an amends needed to be made and I wasn’t on board. I would be miserable and assume everyone was out to get me, the whole world hated me and others were truly the ones with the problems. After all, I’m the one in therapy working on my stuff.

I was way off the mark.

Yesterday, God was laying some things on my heart and I let myself recognize my shortcomings while sending a couple of emails to people who mean the world to me. In those emails I stated that my own “stuff” is not the fault of anyone else and displacing my anxiety, anger or frustration onto others is very selfish and unhealthy. It felt good not to blame anyone, but to admit that I make irrational decisions in my responses sometimes and that I truly am sorry. It was an added blessing that the two individuals appreciated the emails and were understanding rather than spiteful. I hope to have both in my life for a long time.

You don’t have to struggle with an eating disorder or addiction to recognize areas in which you may have fallen short. Where are you in the process of making amends? Are there things you need to say now before the chance to say them is gone?

Just something to think about…