Throughout my lifetime, many women have shared their stories with me and I feel blessed to be able to be a support or a source of encouragement for them. I hear of financial struggles, miscommunications, abuse, tragedy… you name it. But one thing I hear most often from women is that they are afraid to be alone.
Someone told me recently, “I don’t want to be single the rest of my life.” I can certainly grasp that as people we crave relationships with others. However, my concern is what drives the fear of being by ourselves. What is it that leads us to feeling that we must have an intimate relationship or our lives are not worth living?
I can’t answer this question for anyone, but I do encourage those with this thinking to consider why it is that you’re afraid to be or live alone? I think for many individuals, particularly women, it may be that we don’t think we are good enough on our own. Perhaps we think we have to have that other person in order to be successful in our lives, or maybe to just feel like we are worth something.
I remember sitting in church one Sunday morning and hearing the preacher say that in order to be in a marriage, each individual should be a complete person that then merges with the other. So often we hear, “Two become one” and assume that it means we must take on everything about the other person in order to have a successful marriage. But like this preacher said, I think it is crucial that each of us know who we are and have confidence in ourselves before seeking to enter into a lifelong commitment. It’s OK to put ourselves first.
The same is true when relationships end either by choice or necessity. We must understand and believe in ourselves enough to know that we can be OK without that other person. Rushing into a new relationship too soon out of fear may only lead us right to the exact thing we don’t want – to be alone.
I am learning that confident people can do just as many things without a significant other as they can do with a significant other. Some people have chosen not to get married because they simply like being alone. They prefer exploring and developing the self and many have the thinking that if they are meant to find someone, then it will happen. But in the meantime, they are not compromising their own values, wants, needs, passions, etc.
How about you? Are you fearful of being alone? Do you want a relationship, yet you fear you’ll have to put your personal or professional goals on the back burner? Or are you willing to take care of yourself first before finding that special someone?
This Side of the Creek 
Wow.. Thanks Meredith! Really needed this. Actually, when it comes to me.. being a 21 year old who NEVER has EVER been on a date. It makes me feel like I seriously have no hope.. I hate being lonely.. It just isn’t a good feeling. I don’t NEED to be in a relationship. but it would be nice not feeling lonely.
Hopeless, I think feeling lonely is certainly not the greatest feeling and I can understand not wanting to feel that way forever. Perhaps the thing I was trying to point out was that so many times we, as women, may think we can’t make it on our own; like we need someone to always be there because without them we are nothing. However, it is important that we learn to trust in ourselves and believe we can accomplish goals no matter when, if ever, God places that special someone in our lives. You are an important person in this world and may you always remember that. I appreciate the thanks and I thank you for reading… M
Was totally like that when I was single. It really is strange as I do enjoy time by myself, though.
Good article Meredith! I was in and out of relationships from my teens to mid twenties until I realized I made the same mistakes over and over. I didn’t know what being in a relationship meant, and I didn’t know who I was anymore. I decided to stay single from 2005 till I felt ready. I had no room mates and no serious relationships. I did date, but that was only after awhile, and to find what I did and did not like. I finally found a great girl in Nov 2010 and the patience I learned made all the difference.