This Side of the Creek

As counseling professionals, we sometimes see clients who aren’t sure if they should be sitting in our offices. They may question why they are there or what changes they want to make. My thinking is that many who seek counseling know that something is not working for them, but they don’t always know what that something is. Other times, individuals don’t seek help when they need it the most. Perhaps they can’t afford it financially or maybe they are in denial that they have any problem that could be hindering their lives.

Speaking to the latter, my suggestion has always been that if we are struggling with an issue that is disrupting our lives in a way that is unmanageable or in a way that has become all-consuming, it is time to seek help. Whether it’s anxiety over every day tasks or difficulty communicating with a spouse or child, if it’s a matter that consumes much of your thinking and creates feelings of incredible stress, fear, anger, etc., it may be time to get help.

So what does it mean to “seek help?” We hear that frequently in our lives and yet the “help” is not always defined. From my perspective, seeking help means reaching out to a friend, counselor, parent, pastor or someone else with whom we can get a different perspective and saying “I have something going on that I’m not sure how to handle.” That would at least be the seeking part. Then, what those individuals can provide, while it differs, is an alternative view or assistance with brainstorming alternative solutions that may get us back on track. When I say “solutions” I mean things YOU can try. We as counselors cannot make your problems disappear. That’s not our job. Our job is to facilitate change, listen, and offer support during your challenges. We help you process through whatever is going on and are empathetic to your life, feelings, and needs.

The definition of help varies depending upon the person from whom you are seeking such help. Regardless, it is something that is not meant to be full of shame. It’s a sign of strength and we as humans can rarely go through our entire lives without any help from someone else. I am always excited when a new client calls me because it means they have at least acknowledged they need help. Even if the person never comes in to see me, they called and that says a lot. People are going to be in different places when they call. Some are ready to come in an hour after you hang up with them; others are ambivalent. I aim to let clients know that I will be there if and when they are ready…even if that is six months after our first phone contact. This lets them know that a door is open when they are able to face whatever it is that prompted them to pick up the phone in the first place.

It may be that an introduction to specific skills is what someone needs. Or it may be that they simply need someone outside of their personal lives to listen to what they are going through. Regardless, getting assistance can increase our likelihood of creating happier, healthier, and more productive selves and lives.

If you, or someone you know, is ready to seek help, Psychology Today provides some great resources, including a therapist search and recent articles on popular topics.

*** Northern Kentucky University’s counseling services offers the following information on their website regarding when to seek help:

        “When should you consider seeking professional help?

• You’ve tried several things but still have the problem.
• You want to find a solution sooner rather than later.
• You have thoughts of harming yourself or others.
• You have symptoms of depression, anxiety, or another disorder that significantly interfere with your daily functioning and the quality of your life (e.g., you have lost time from work, your relationships have been harmed, or your health is suffering).”