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Posts Tagged ‘low self-esteem’

Throughout my lifetime, many women have shared their stories with me and I feel blessed to be able to be a support or a source of encouragement for them. I hear of financial struggles, miscommunications, abuse, tragedy… you name it. But one thing I hear most often from women is that they are afraid to be alone.

Someone told me recently, “I don’t want to be single the rest of my life.” I can certainly grasp that as people we crave relationships with others. However, my concern is what drives the fear of being by ourselves. What is it that leads us to feeling that we must have an intimate relationship or our lives are not worth living?

I can’t answer this question for anyone, but I do encourage those with this thinking to consider why it is that you’re afraid to be or live alone? I think for many individuals, particularly women, it may be that we don’t think we are good enough on our own. Perhaps we think we have to have that other person in order to be successful in our lives, or maybe to just feel like we are worth something.

I remember sitting in church one Sunday morning and hearing the preacher say that in order to be in a marriage, each individual should be a complete person that then merges with the other. So often we hear, “Two become one” and assume that it means we must take on everything about the other person in order to have a successful marriage. But like this preacher said, I think it is crucial that each of us know who we are and have confidence in ourselves before seeking to enter into a lifelong commitment. It’s OK to put ourselves first.

The same is true when relationships end either by choice or necessity. We must understand and believe in ourselves enough to know that we can be OK without that other person. Rushing into a new relationship too soon out of fear may only lead us right to the exact thing we don’t want – to be alone.

I am learning that confident people can do just as many things without a significant other as they can do with a significant other. Some people have chosen not to get married because they simply like being alone. They prefer exploring and developing the self and many have the thinking that if they are meant to find someone, then it will happen. But in the meantime, they are not compromising their own values, wants, needs, passions, etc.

How about you? Are you fearful of being alone? Do you want a relationship, yet you fear you’ll have to put your personal or professional goals on the back burner? Or are you willing to take care of yourself first before finding that special someone?

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Millions of people struggle with self-consciousness and low self-esteem. Some feel so poorly about themselves that they give up trying to take care of themselves, stop trying to reach their dreams, or take their own lives altogether.

The cause of self-consciousness and low self-esteem is different for each one of us. Maybe you grew up hearing that you are ugly, stupid, worthless, incompetent, poor, crazy, lazy, etc. Or perhaps you lost a good job or an important relationship that left you thinking, “I should have done better, tried harder and been more caring.” Regardless of the cause, men and women who constantly criticize themselves and believe they are damaged goods — not worthy of love and relationships — can deteriorate both physically and mentally.

I have yet to meet someone who thinks they are 100-percent perfect the way they are. (BTW, perfection does NOT exist and it, along with the word “should,” needs to be erased from the dictionary.) I’m certain we all have things we’d like to change about ourselves. That’s one reason millions have turned to plastic surgery, tanning beds, hair and nail salons, clothing stores, etc. We are seldom okay with the way we are and the way our lives are going.

Yes, some things we see on television can contribute to this, as can the very people who live in our communities who tell us about their children in a way that makes them seem very prestigious, wealthy and successful. “Oh he’s working for a large company in San Antonio and just bought a house.” Why is it always a “large” company?  The point is that there will always be things that keep us feeling less than when we already believe we are so.

However, there comes a point when we must start complimenting who we are now. There is nothing wrong with us. We are exactly as we were created to be, even when facing things that can lead us to believe we will never measure up. We are who we are and are where we are right now, in this moment, and that’s okay.

Take a moment to compliment yourself. I know it’s so much easier to compliment others, but you deserve the same and who better to offer those compliments than the very person who is with you 24/7?

As for me, I struggle to believe I am all of the positive things others say am I. However, today I know that I am beautiful and witty…

MC

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